Tending to Your Inner Garden

The clocks have rolled forward and the Spring season is just around the corner. It seems like everyone I connect with lately feels as though they’re in the same perpetual state of disbelief as to how this year is already flying by. 🙋🏽‍♀️

But this feeling is nothing more than an invitation from Mother Nature to slow down and get grounded. Moreover, it's an invitation to get in tune with the elements of our lives that require us to be fully present so that we can cultivate an environment conducive to our growth and expansion.

So, as we enter the last official week of winter and prepare for the Spring Equinox (Mar. 20), ask yourself this:

What do I need to tend to in my inner garden?

Patanjali - the Indian sage(s) who authored many sacred texts, including the Yoga Sutras - teaches us that our experiences from this life and previous lives plant tiny seeds in our subconscious, known as samskaras or “mental impressions.” In addition to our own learned and lived experiences, these seeds may have emerged from intergenerational traumas or triumphs, societal conditioning, cultural expectations, and beyond.

Samskaras shape our thoughts and beliefs, our words, and, eventually, our actions. They're not inherently positive or negative, but they're all impactful.

A Personal Example

I grew up watching my mom hustle relentlessly to pursue her career goals while providing for me on her own. She often had more impressive credentials and experience than her white counterparts, regardless of gender, yet had to work harder and longer just to receive basic respect, much less the support, title/pay, and time away from work that she needed and deserved.

This planted the seed that, as Black women, we must hustle harder at all costs, taking care of everything and everyone around us before we can even think about tend to our own needs.

When we’re intentionally planting seeds, we know to place them in the right soil and to give them the right amount of light, water, and love to ensure that they eventually sprout, bloom, and thrive. But samskaras aren’t formed intentionally, so we’re not conscious of the ways in which we tend to these seeds. It might be decades before we realize that the very seeds we’ve been watering may be those that are hindering our growth.

Whether you saw the women in your life hustle or some of your samskaras were formed through the many representations of Black and Brown women in society and the media, they probably had an impact on the way you move in the world as an adult. And because yogic philosophy also teaches us that we’re layered beings, more than what can merely be seen with the eye or observed in physical form, these seeds sprout roots deep into our energetic, mental, and spiritual bodies - ultimately influencing our capacity for pure joy (the innermost of the 5 bodies or koshas in yogic philosophy is the bliss body).

Beautiful lessons like these emerge when we harmonize with nature, asking us to explore ourselves from root to petal and choose what we allow to grow in our inner gardens. Of course, these lessons reveal the work that must be done as well. Weeding is my absolute least favorite part of yard work (just ask my husband - he’s got big jokes), but it’s my most consistent work when it comes to tending to my inner garden.

This is where self-study (part of yoga’s second limb) is crucial. Start actively observing your self-talk, particularly when it comes to hustle and rest. Do you hear “I have to push through” when you’re already beyond exhaustion? What about “I'm not enough" or "I have to do more” when it comes to achievement and advancement? Or “I can’t rest because [someone else] needs me”?

Resist the urge to judge, but do interrogate this self-talk. Explore what seeds may have led to these thoughts, words, and beliefs. Then ask whether these seeds are still serving you. If they aren’t, begin to redirect your energy toward planting and cultivating seeds that are in true alignment with your present needs.

Giving Yourself Permission

Alex Elle has a beautiful writing exercise called “permission slips” in her new book, How We Heal, that complements the idea of tending to your inner garden. Write yourself a permission slip to do the things that are counter to the thoughts, beliefs, and actions your unhelpful samskaras have led you toward. Maybe you write a permission slip to say ‘no’ to taking on another task at work or a permission slip to speak up when your needs aren’t being met. Maybe you write a permission slip to take a 30-minute nap instead of doing a household task or scrolling through social media. Or a permission slip to ask for help to lighten your load.

Whatever you write on your permission slip is your new seed. Hold it in your hand. Now close your eyes and visualize planting this seed in your mind. Breathe life into it. Repeat “I am already enough and I give myself permission to ____” aloud to rewire your self-talk. And, importantly, begin using this permission slip. Each time you do, you’re not only nourishing this new seed’s growth, you’re slowly weeding out the old samskaras that took up precious space in your garden without your knowledge, inviting yourself into more mindful, purposeful, and intentional living.

And here’s a reminder for the altruist in you: you’re not just tending to your inner garden to care for yourself. You’re doing so for the women before you who couldn’t. You’re doing so for the child in you who didn’t have the tools. And you’re doing so for future generations to embody ease, autonomy, and freedom.