Reflections from the Well
In honor of World Mental Health Day - October 10th…
I’m sharing the following content that appeared in my Aug. 2022 Soul Care Newsletter. It’s a raw, vulnerable, and honest reflection of mental health journey recently because I believe - and research continues to show - that having real discussions about mental health can help others—and help us too.
How are you - for real?
Recently I'd been answering that question on autopilot with a smile. “I’m good 😄” But when I tuned in and got real with myself, I realized I hadn’t been.
Before Boys II Men sang “don't wait til the water runs dry,” Rumi advised to “never give from the depths of our well, but from the overflow.”
Where are you giving from?
Despite thinking that I was allowing myself to refill, I really wasn't. I kept giving and giving form the depths of my well until that jawn (word to my Philly roots) was dry AF. And then, of course, life events forced me to step back and sip from my own sermons on slowing down, caring for my soul, taking time to rest, and taking intentional steps to restore my mental health.
One of those life events was a medical emergency that called me back to Philly earlier this summer to be with my dad during an emergency hospitalization. This came just a few months after losing my mom. Y'all…
Even prior to that I knew my mental health was deteriorating. I wasn’t sleeping despite being exhausted. Couldn’t focus or function at work, stuttered my way through meetings, couldn't get basic tasks done. On edge all the time. Wasn't finding pleasure or release in my yoga practice. Digestive issues. Overwhelming emotions, and more. I told myself I was “managing” (not a word I often use to describe mental health), but was honestly just scared to sit with the fact that I was on the brink of a breakdown.
I’m telling you this because I know at least one of y’all has told yourself you’re “good” and kept giving to everything and everyone, despite knowing deep down that your well has run dry.
The signs may be different for you, but I know at least one of y’all has told yourselves you can - or must - push through because you don’t know what the alternative looks like. Somebody has found themselves saying “I shouldn’t be struggling…I meditate. I do yoga. I go to church. I do [insert self care practice here]." One of y'all has said “I don't have the luxury of stopping, my family needs me.”
I know because these are things I said to myself. Until I could no longer function.
Although my yoga practice may have looked different, I recently realized it was showing up for me in critical ways. And it actually led me to take life-supporting action:
It was Self-Study (one of the practices comprising the Niyamas, yoga's second limb as defined by Indian Sage, Pantanjali) that helped me recognize signs of my deteriorating mental state.
Owning my Truth (one of the Seven Principles of Ma'at in Kemetic Yoga and spirituality, and one of the Yamas / yoga's first limb), led me to speak it out loud and reach out for additional mental health support and treatment. It also helped me confide in loved ones who could lift me up and bolster my healing.
Since a full flow wasn't happening, dropping into my body through restorative yoga poses (part of yoga's third limb, Asana) and breathwork (fourth limb, Pranayama) helped me process grief, clear energetic blockages, and calm my nervous system.
The healing is still in progress but well is slowly refilling.
If you need a sign or signal to slow down, seek help, and take time to restore your well-being, this is it. If you need someone to remind you that you're not alone, that we can talk about our mental health, that we can seek and receive help, and that we are worthy of support, hey sis 🙋🏽♀️.
I'm sharing my story to remind you that you can lean into softness, stillness, and support - there is strength here too. Let go of the need to “push through.” You deserve to feel at home in your body, soul, and mind.
We may have wrapped up observing BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month in July but please believe caring for your mental is a 24/7/365 commitment. Trust your gut, your heart, and your third-eye (yes, our Chakras/Karkars are truth-signals) whenever you feel like something isn’t right within. Take a free and anonymous self-screening to help you gauge what symptoms you're experiencing. Speak up to someone you can trust. Even if it feels uncomfortable to open up about your mental health, take a deep breath and do it anyway - literally get it off of your chest.
Breathe right now speak this aloud to yourself: I am whole and worthy even when I'm hurt and healing.
Do it for you. Then you can truly say you gave to others from your overflow.
If you or someone you know are in crisis or considering suicide, dial 988 or text ‘home’ to 741741.
